Flimsy Excuses
by AsikIkisa
Summary: If Haruka had to be honest, swimming competitively seemed like a great idea. But something was missing.


„That reminds me what are you going to do after graduation?"

The way Rin presented his plan for the future made Haruka realize that he maybe should think about his future too.

No.

It was something else.

The way Rin had a detalied plan of his future, and how he was sure that he will be noticed by the people who scout for swimming teams, made Haruka realize that he is an undecided child.

Rin was kinda annoyed that he haven't thought about it yet.

On he career questionaires Haruka wrote „Free" in English.

This whole situation reminded him of his elementary school days, when Rin had that great idea to write whatever they wanted on the bricks.

Haruka had no idea what to write then and it seemed troublesome. And he didn't want to deal with troublesome things so he just did the same thing on his career questionaire.

Because writing „Free" was easier to admit that he had no idea what he wanted to do.

When Rin mentioned that he is going to swim proffesionally, Haruka had the urge to tell him „I'll go with you."

But he didn't say that.

After his confrontation with Yamazaki, and the „Don't get in Rin's way again" Haruka was glad that he didn't say that.

He didn't want to be a bother.

Not like he thought that Yamazaki was right. If anything he couldn't be farther from the truth, but he seemed like a guy that makes Rin happy, and Haruka was okay with that.

Just as long as Rin smiled and was happy, Haruka knew what to do right now.

But the future was still a big question mark for him.

It wasn't better after talking to Amakata-sensei, Gou or Nagisa.

Even thought Nagisa mentioned that Haru could do anything because he has more talents than swimming.

If Haruka wanted to be honest, swimming competitively seemed like a logical continuation. He would feel the water, swim and maybe be with Rin.

But at the same time he felt that something was missing.

After he did some research about how to go when you want to swim competitively he knew what was missing.

Regimens, times, shedules, diets... expectations of „having the best time in all torunaments".

There was little place for freedom.

In fact there was no place for freedom at all in the world of competitive swimming.

And that scared him.

Not being able to be free, not being able to eat what he wanted or do what he wanted. Just swim, almost like a robot, almost like a slave with nothing but expectations thrown upon him.

He didn't want that.

…

But even if he didn't, he felt that swimming competitively, racing with Rin, gives him what was missing. Gives him the excitement to see the water anew. Because the water is not tamed when you race in a pool.

Even if he doesn't want to admit it, Haruka is pretty much fired up at competitions.

Especially with Rin.

When they arrive to the hotel, the day before regionals, Haruka is tired.

He lays on the bed with his hands behind his head and drows off to the land of dreams without realizing it.

_He swims at the Iwatobi High's pool, or rather he is drifting in the water._

_The water is calm, almost stagnant. If it were a pond, it would probably be still and unmoving._

_Suddenly Haruka hears his name being called and sees Rin._

_Getting out of the water feels refreshing, and that's the only thing he registers before the scenery flashing before him._

_He is running with Rin, almost like that time when they had joint practice at Iwatobi._

_Rin is smiling, the smile reserved only for him._

_He says something but Haru can't comprehend the words._

_They run into a tunnel and it's dark._

_Suddenly Haru is alone and it's dark. _

_This feeling is familiar._

_It's like middle school again, without Rin and Makoto and Nagisa._

_Haru can name the emotion now, he has it at the end of his tongue but when he wants to say it suddenly he is blinded with a light._

_He opens his eyes and he is standing at the starting block._

_His legs seem unusually long._

_He hears the sound of a whistle, and sees people around him dive to the pool._

_He catches a glimpse of Rin before he realized that without his will, he is in the pool too._

_The feeling from the dark tunnel is here again._

_Even though he is supposedly swimming with Rin it doesn't feel like it._

_The water feels..._

_dead._

_Dark and dead, stagnated._

_The water is not alive._

_He swims all he can just to get out of here. He wants to get rid of this feeling because that's not the feeling he has any longer._

_He's been saved, he also has friends to swim for._

_When he finally gets out he sees that he is the first at the finish._

_There is 5 seconds gap between him and Rin._

_He looks at the table of results and sees the little 1 next to his name in latin alphabet._

_But why would japanese torunaments have latin alphabet?_

_After a while he realizes._

_Or rather the cold of the gold medal aganst his skin does the realization instead of him._

_This is a olympic tournament and he just beat Rin._

_Not only that, he just took the dream Rin worked so hard for and snatched it for himself._

_This is what he's been fearing all along._

_This is why he didn't want to go swimming competitively._

_He reaches out to Rin but Rin doesn't look at him, his eyes hidden by his arm to try and hide the fact that he is crying._

_Haru screams all he can but Rin doesn't hear him, nobody hears him because he's suddenly under water and..._

Haruka wakes up and says Rin's name when he sits on the hotel bed.

It was just a nightmare.

But nightmares can become real.

Makoto asks him if he's all right, and Haru pretends that of course it is.

But he is not sure how long he can hide his fears of the future behind his flimsy excuses.


End file.
